all the boys wore skirts.. they’ve never looked better
#oh Harry the things you don’t know about yourself could fill a book #in fact #they did #seven of them
Harry Potter and Holy Fuck I’m A Wizard
Harry Potter and Shit I Can Talk To Snakes
Harry Potter and When the Fuck Did I get a Godfather?
Harry Potter and There are Other Wizarding Schools?
Harry Potter and Oh My God I Can See What Voldemort’s Doing
Harry Potter and Snape Was Friends With My Mum?!
Harry Potter and Well Fuck Snape was a Good Guy All Along and Now I Have to Die Whyyyy
Hold both shift keys down, and try to type “THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPS OVER THE LAZY DOG.”
THKBNFJS THLAY DG.holy shit
THE QICK BROWN OX JMPS OVER THE LAZY OG.
so close.
H QUCK BRN FX JUMS…
HE QUIK BROWN FO JUPS OER HE LA DOG.
oh fuck every time i see it i laugh so fucking hard. i have to reblog this every time. i can’t not reblog this
lOOK AT THE GUY IN THE BACKGROUND HE’S LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF
My little brother got into outer space and stuff so my step-mom bought him a place mat with all the planets on it. When I first saw it, I was upset, because it was newer and so Pluto wasn’t labeled. I was about to say something when I noticed something…
Pluto is there.
The artist remembered Pluto.
Guys…
The artist drew Pluto crying.
What the letter said was that I found her very attractive and that I’d seen her walking her dog a lot and so I just wanted to say hello. It also said that I’d watched her several times through a window, but not like HER window or anything. I meant through my car window when I was driving. And that “watching,” sounds so creepy. It was more like I just happened to glance over and see her.
That was the gist of it. And I didn’t have any paper so I wrote it on an old traffic ticket envelope and put it under her windshield wiper blade.
“Hey!” she screamed.
I started to respond, but she marched right by me and up to the parking enforcement officer who I guess was standing behind me.
“I was parked just fine!” she screamed. “What is this, some sort of bullshit quota you have to fill?!”
He didn’t like the accusations and so he fired right back.
“I didn’t give you a ticket!”
“Liar!”
“Man oh man,” I thought.
And I guess she was having one of those days because she pulled a gun out of her purse and shot the parking officer three times in the chest. Then, she put the gun barrel in her own mouth and pulled the trigger. It was a huge mess.
“Well, I guess that’s a no,” I said, in a real sitcom-y voice.
“WAY-TO-MAKE-IT-ALL-ABOUT-YOU,” boomed the helmet fastened to my dog’s head that converted his barks to English.
I poured the remainder of my expensive latte on the dog’s helmet, which caused it to crackle and malfunction.
The right girl was out there somewhere. And I would find her.
Next to me, the dog’s helmet made a crackling noise. A sarcastic crackling noise.
When I was 16, I had a fake I.D. and decided to go to a gay bar by myself because some friends bailed on me. While there, an older gentleman bought me a drink. He wasn’t a creeper, and he definitely wasn’t unattractive. I accepted the drink and began talking to him. No big deal. As the hour progressed, I felt myself feeling strange. I mentioned that I felt like I had a headache, and this guy helped guide me out of the bar. As we were walking down the street, the thought of, ‘Oh god, he’s drugged me, I’m going to die’ came to my head. I tried to get away, but I was so drugged up that I could barely walk, let alone speak. It also didn’t help that I had really large ‘goth’ platform shoes because I was going through a phase. Anyway, this guy brought me to his suv and began undressing me. As a final act of defiance, I hit him over the head with my platform shoe. He then punched me, and I remember thinking, ‘Why don’t they ever give workshops to gay guys about being victims of rape too?’ While I was as careful as possible, I never saw the guy slip something in the drink. I even watched the bar tender make the drink. Anyway, I lied there completely paralyzed while this pervert was lubing up. I locked eyes with his for a moment, and that’s when it happened. A very large and angry drag queen opened the door of the vehicle and beat the shit out of my attempted rapist. She and her other drag friends helped dress and care for me while the police arrived. I was saved by a group of guardian drag queens. They were basically the modern day ‘angels from heaven.’
God bless drag queens.
You go, Uh… Girls?
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
